Monday, December 2, 2013

Lessons from "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" by Mark Goulston

Recently, we've been reading and learning from Mark Goulston's book, "Just Listen".

Goulston points out the challenge we all face when selling personal services, or as Daniel Pink says in his recent book, “To Sell is Human”, when trying to get people to "move": 

People have their own needs, desires, and agendas. They have secrets they’re hiding from you. And they’re stressed, busy, and often feeling like they’re in over their heads. To cope with their stress and insecurity, they throw up mental barricades that make it difficult to reach them even if they share your goals, and, if they’re hostile, almost impossible.

Approach these people armed solely with reason and facts, or resort to arguing or encouraging or pleading, and you might expect to get through—but you won’t. Instead, you’ll get smacked down, and you’ll never have a clue why.

To take people from the beginning to the end of the Persuasion Cycle, you need to speak with them in a manner that moves them: From resisting to listening.  From listening to considering.  From considering to willing to do.   From willing to do to doing.  From doing to glad they did and continuing to do.

Instead of using reason and facts, try connecting with people on an emotional level.  Make them “feel felt”.

THE STEPS TO MAKING ANOTHER PERSON FEEL “FELT”.  Here’s all you need to do. 



1. Attach an emotion to what you think the other person is feeling, such as “frustrated,” “angry,” or “afraid.” 

2. Say, “I’m trying to get a sense of what you’re feeling and I think it’s ————— . . .” and fill in an emotion. “Is that correct? If it’s not, then what are you feeling?” Wait for the person to agree or correct you.

3. Then say, “How frustrated (angry, upset, etc.) are you?” Give the person time to respond. Be prepared, at least initially, for a torrent of emotions—especially if the person you’re talking with is holding years of pent-up frustration, anger, or fear inside. This is not the time to fight back, or air your own grievances. 

4. Next, say, “And the reason you’re so frustrated (angry, upset, etc.) is because. . . ?” Again, let the person vent. 

5. Then say, “Tell me—what needs to happen for that feeling to feel better?” 

6. Next, say, “What part can I play in making that happen? What part can you play in making that happen?”

1 comment:

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